Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
