When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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