Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
