wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
