I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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