Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
