so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
