Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
