He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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