His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
