I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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