69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
