and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
