You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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