Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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