you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
