Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
