i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Vodka?
Forever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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