just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
