I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
