When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
