do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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