my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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