Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
