i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
