Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
