woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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