My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
