just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
