I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
