what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
