you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
