Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
