At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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