Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
