Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
