Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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