just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
