so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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