yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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