Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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