Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
