If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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