I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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