he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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