She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
