I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
