so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
