i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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