i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
