Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
