I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
