I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
